She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
