I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
