I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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