if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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