he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Found the puke drawer
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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