yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
