We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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