What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
