Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
