you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
