went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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