you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
