I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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