Swine flu. Run for my life!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
