Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
