We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
