I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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