Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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