You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
