Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
