how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
