WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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