Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.