if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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