After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.