it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
