I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.