new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins