i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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