So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
