I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
