I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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