bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
