I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
