Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
