Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
