The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
