Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
