So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
