don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
