So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
