No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
