this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
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I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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