I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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