It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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