don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize