every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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