you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
