maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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