i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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