His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
