It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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