Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize