He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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