If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
