Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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