Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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