Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
