mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
