her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
