roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
