New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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