Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
