I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
