you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
