We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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