Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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