Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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