No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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