Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
