Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
