Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
