god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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