i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
