Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
