So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
