I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
