Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
