The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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