Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
