The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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